


The Honeymoon

by Conversity



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alien Biology, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Spock, Bottoming from the Top, Fluff and Angst, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mind Meld, Multiple Orgasms, PWP, Porn With Plot, feelings of inadequecy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 19:00:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4757402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Conversity/pseuds/Conversity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim and Spock, now married, get to enjoy their honeymoon night. They work through their own feelings of inadequacy and find a way to reconcile the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Honeymoon

**Author's Note:**

> Basically just 5,000+ words of Jim trying to give Spock the greatest experience of his life. Get ready for FEELS sprinkled through the porn. Besides, there isn't enough bottom!Spock out there!

Jim lounged against the head board, his knees bent slightly up and spread in a silent invitation as Spock settled himself, his thighs pressed inside of Jim's parted legs, his hands curved over the naked shoulders in soft caresses. Jim loved the look in his lover's half-mast eyes, something soft warming in their dark adoring depths as he watched the lips spread in a tranquil, slight smile before searching for his own. As Jim's fingers skimmed the soft, chorded flesh of Spock's throat, he felt the hot coil of lust begging him to bite marks there and with a tender kiss, just a pull and gentle nip of the sensitive, untasted skin, he caressed the soft jaw in his palms and began to spoil Spock properly, with all the slow, passionate heat that he knew his new bond mate reveled in. 

It was almost like he was drawn to certain places, his hands skimming all the right areas to rile Spock up. Their young, tender bond seemed excited with their melding minds, itching to pour forth the secrets between them, every thought, every kink, ever toe curling fantasy. Jim’s confidence suddenly bloomed, not from experience but from the deep, enthralling desire to turn Spock inside out and make him feel more alive than he had ever before. And it was with a crooked, beloved smile that he kissed back at his Vulcan, knowing that the intimacy in his slow, perceptive caresses was the right way to lead things off.

Spock gave a soft moan at the quietness of their first touch, the sound sweet and delicious as he felt Jim grin against his lips and kiss him with more purpose, drawing away only to come back with his eyes almost closed, but still watching his blushing cheeks and lovely fluttering lashes as Kirk brought them closer. His mouth fell open as a hot, human hand slowly burnt a path from shoulder to the supine bow of Spock's back and his instincts drove his hips down and forward, seeking the permeable heat that seemed to surround Jim like a mist. Their kiss turned passionate, almost playful as Jim whispered 'You're so perfect' and Spock's hips stuttered in their smooth glide against him, the Vulcan nipping at Jim's lips as his hands found purchase on the loose open shirt Kirk had worn to bed. Its texture was thin and soft, like flannel, the threads smelling like the incense burned during Spock's deepest meditation sessions. 

And all at once, it seemed like Spock's body kicked into gear, realizing that this was not a drill, these touches were not false alarms, and he would later blame it on a million things, but in truth he knew that the pheromones his Captain was emitting were matched beautifully with his own. It set off the triggers of his repressed sexuality like matches on fireworks, opening passages in his veins that gorged themselves on the new mix of adrenaline and dopamine in his blood, his mind finding usually locked doors to be opened up with keys that Jim's thoughts had been holding all along. 

On a primal, Vulcan level he craved Jim as a mate, to claim and protect, and cherish, to share his children, to quell his inevitable Pon Farr and to seal their Katra together as one, finally filling the void that had echoed with emptiness for so long since the first, brutal rejection and inescapable severing of the bond he had had with T’Pring.

On a human level he wanted Jim as a husband, one he could watch shave in the morning, his hair still ruffled with sleep, to make him meals and see his secret smiles, the kind of relationship that blossomed from a friendship written in blood and loyalty, to never let go of the light in his world, to let himself be free to feel things, all the things from love, grief, excitement, joy, sadness, contentedness, to absorb every emotion in Jim's open arms.

And that sudden agreement from both of his usually split halves, kindled something in him that rose up hot and boiling as he came out of the depths of his mind and back to reality with a deep, moaning breath. 

"There you are." Jim welcomed him, his knees pressed tight to Spock's ribs as he threaded sure fingers through the soft, black bangs, lifting the Vulcan's swimming eyes to meet his gaze. "I thought I lost you for a second, glad to see you didn't get too far away." His voice was pitched low and husky in a dark, sinful way that spurred Spock on as his senses came back to him and he was suddenly dipped in clarity as he felt Jim's hot fingers work themselves beneath the back of his waistband and trace a path down between his cleft, smoothing back up in a teasing, asking sort of way.

Spock found himself biting at his lower lip as his forehead rested on the heaving, glistening collar bone in front of him, mind confused on whether he was to push his hips back in invitation of Jim's request or drag his hips forward over the tight pants that bound Jim's massive erection as it strained against the denim. And patiently, in a way Spock wished his Captain would be during negotiation missions, Jim rested his chin on Spock's trembling shoulder, his mouth right at his pointed ear as he spoke. 

"You're doing so well, I can't believe you've waited so long to experience this." His human was kind enough to drag his fingers over his quivering entrance once more, his thumb sweeping down to caress his tight sac beneath to remind him of his options as Spock’s mind went numb white in pleasure. 

"Please," Jim heard him moan then, those powerful lips gasping as Spock's fingers dug into the tanned, muscled skin of his chest, only regaining his breath after panting in Spock's ear, tongue venturing out from his open mouth to lightly taste the soft curve and then tapered point of the delicate shell. 

"Tell me what you want. I'll do anything. Oooh," Spock shuddered in anticipation as his partner let out a sigh as his tongue found a pert nipple beneath his fingers and sealed lips around it. Jim's hands cradled Spock's head as he suckled and ran his tongue flat against the dip of his pectorals, eyes locked on Jim's as if to drink in his very expression and learn how to recreate them through touch. "Let me take care of you." 

And that last, breathy plea from his Captain was all it took for Spock to shred the remaining bit of his control and give into the primal urge he had been denying for years. With a swift, sharp movement, Spock rocked back on the fingers, feeling the tips of one, two, three of them slip barely in before they pulled out, and one more drove a bit deeper before Jim drew it out again. The teasing was winding the Vulcan up as he released the nipple with a husky exhale, head hanging loosely between his flexing shoulders, and focused his movements to roll deep into Jim's lap, the curve of his back bowing and graceful as he snapped his hips back then onto the fingers, hopefully getting more of that full feeling that Kirk was denying him.

The rough, alpha persona was growling at Jim's slow caresses now, demanding to be fingered properly, but as cautious teeth caught the tip of his ear, the mewling submissive side gave way to the thick hormones Jim's system gave off. His scent was 100% male, the musk thick and hot in the air to Spock's sensitive nose, and the subtle control Jim had over his body was overwhelming to say the least. Even while underneath him, he fenced Spock in with his strong limbs, his low, encouraging voice and deep, grinning eyes more than enough to have Spock melted suddenly against him, a slave to his desires for days if he was to inhale the intoxicating scent any longer. 

Jim might have slept with quite a few people in the past but never had he experienced someone so receptive, so responsive to each touch and kiss and caress. He was light headed with the overpowering pheromones Spock's body was seeping through his very pores, mixing with his own sweat and the lingering incense smoke, and all it took was Spock's soft gasps of approval for Jim to want to give him the whole galaxy, to feed him dwarf stars from the palms of his hands if that’s what it took for Spock to want him. 

He kept giving long, careful kisses, being patient when Spock's pliant lips drove into his with a power that seemed instinctual and forbidden, deliciously pulling away with softer smiles and nips to his jaw as Spock, eyes closed, turned obediently to the side so Jim could nuzzle at the soft skin of his pale under throat and suck jade flushed love bites onto his shoulders. 

He wickedly drove his fingers in with delight now, as Spock courageously begged for more in a not quite, but just as close to, dominating way as possible. As he gently dipped his fingertips in passed the first ring of muscle, he felt the eager pull of Spock's body and his own eyes fluttered shut. Jim had to tip his head back to draw in a fresh breath as he felt the stirrings of his climax ache low in him, biting his lip to make the frantic ebb of fire subside. He didn't want to come now, not with Spock wound tight and begging in his lap; so he kept the two fingers buried deep in Spock and stilled his own thrusting hips, pausing his movements so he could listen to Spock moan and gasp as he tried to work himself on Jim's fingers. Spock’s hands clutched at the fabric of his shirt and expanded his lungs with a large inhale of incense and his virile bond-mate before ripping the thin fabric in two. Jim felt Spock tighten his inner muscles at the delicious sound of tearing cloth and thought he might pass out.

"Oh, Spock, good, good, just like that." Kirk praised, and found he didn't care about the shirt, was only concerned with the fact that Spock was trying to devour him now, hands battling the buckle and zip of Jim’s pants with a precision and need that was unmatched, his dark, blown pupils staring into Jim's as if to find the very answers to life. 

And for a split, stuttered second as his erection sprang free from its confines, he hissed at the cool air and he wondered what Spock could see in his eyes. 

He was awarded no more thought as Spock simply set to work lapping at his aching organ, his tongue a bit rough and tantalizingly long as he wrapped it around the crown and gave a proper, teasing suck, which stole the very breath from Jim's body. He remembered falling back against the headboard, feeling vulnerable and yet entirely in control as his hand tangled with Spock's fingers over his chest as the Vulcan's dominate hand went to work thumbing the underside of his cock, tracing the prime vein that ran from root to tip with first just the thumb and then the tip of his slick tongue, making Jim's thighs tighten, his toes curl, and his eyes clench shut as he gave himself up to the lovely treatment.

As the attention turned needy, with Spock's breath hot as he whimpered against his inner thigh, Jim gently came back to himself, pulling his fingers from their blunt work and massaging his other hand down to the curve of Spock's hips, fingers spreading him in a sensuous, slow manner, and Spock pressed higher up on Jim, his legs straddling his Captain's hips, hands cradling the soft, ruffled locks as he drove his erection against the hard, panting stomach in front of him, hoping the human had enough initiative to keep this going, forever if it must, anything to dull the sharp bites of ecstasy knotting in his veins, making him feel overheated and trapped in his body.

But Jim was patient and loving as his hands worked the pants off of him, exposing Spock's heavy, leaking sex, a broad smile lighting up as he fondled the skin and found it ribbed under the emerald flushed head, beads of thick, golden essence leaking like honey from its tip. 

"Beautiful." Jim moaned the word as he stroked tenderly, knowing Spock was aching badly and his teasing was almost too much for the confused virgin who was helpless to do anything other than let out a choked breath and then moan alongside him. "You're so beautiful, sweetheart, come here." With a gentle pressure on his hips, Kirk pressed him forward into his own weeping erection, crying out blissfully at the feel and the heat. "I'm gonna help you ride me, ok?" and Jim smiled gently as the alien nodded in pleasure blinded submission, black bangs falling over his closed eyes as he seemed to concentrate on the very sensation of being pulled apart and opened up. 

Jim was careful and amazed as he guided Spock down over his own organ finding Spock's entrance, eager from all the attention, coated with a layer of fluid that felt like his pre-come, self-lubrication no doubt. In an adventurous, caring gesture, Jim dipped a finger back to probe at the entrance and caught some on the tip, bringing it to his mouth and licking it off with a talented flick of his tongue. Spock's wide eyes looked fever glazed as his mouth fell open in awe at the wanton way his mate acted, driven by a primal need just as desperate as his own.

"You even taste delicious." Jim purred lovingly as he coaxed the eager body to fall around him and with a shared burst of passion he pressed Spock's hips down, stretching him and finally burying himself all the way into Spock's slick, tight, molten heat. 

The Vulcan cried out, his eyes misted with tears as the initial stretch brought a pang of soreness radiating through his hips, his belly almost feeling too full as he felt Jim's cock sink deeper with each move he made. But his bond mate’s steady, tender hands brushed calmly at his thighs and over his hips as he reassured him with soft, long kisses. 

And then, in a delicate show of love, Jim brought his hands up and found Spock's, imparting them from his shoulders, and tangled their fingers in a soft caress, pressing their foreheads together. 

"Look at me." He whispered between them, blue eyes shining with something so clear that Spock was afraid to read them too deeply. "I want you to look at only me when you come. I want to see you lose control." And with that unbridled secret breathed deep and unmasked between them, Jim planted his feet on the mussed covers of the bed and gave a small, experimental thrust up, jolting Spock's body with his movement. The next one stabbed deep inside him, and the next had his hips rolling with the fluid motion until they found the right depth and angle to hit a place in Spock that made him almost faint at the sheer power of it.

His eyes closed and his head lolled back, a soft "oh" falling from his lips as Jim almost laughed in joy and repeated the motion more surely this time, bringing their joined hands to his lips as he kissed the knuckles and slipped a few of the light-green tinged digits into his wet mouth. 

"Yes, that's it." Jim's voice was rough and gentle at the same time, coaxing Spock to continue his natural thrusts to achieve the same pleasure. "Just like that, baby, yes, god, yes." He praised as he rested his left hand on Spock's side, below his ribs, and marveled at the immeasurably fast heart beat that lay fluttering under his prodding finger tips as the other hand guided Spock's hand up to his meld points. 

"No, Jim, I-" The Vulcan was cut off with another sharp thrust that left him panting, the hand over his heart melting him as his mind thought that maybe that gesture had been the most intimate thing anybody had ever done to him, to just feel his living presence.

But his soul demanded the meld, had been itching for a deep one since their first few brushes and surface links they had achieved, and now, with their bodies locked in a time old dance, the tradition of jointing their minds throbbed in him like a tribal drum beat, his blood echoing in his veins to do it, reach out his fingers and-

Jim offered his cheek and leaned into the soft contact of the tips as they were magnetized to his psi points, his very soul dragging Spock through the entrance of his mind and exploding with joy as they twined, dancing softly in the same way electricity sparked, arching over points of metal contact to complete a circuit. 

The joined minds opened up a multitude of emotions Jim had been subconsciously broadcasting like a clear radio station through the places where their bare skin had touched, but now they drenched Spock like an ocean tide, Jim's overwhelming presence dragging him under to show him 'Look, I feel all this for you, just you, only ever you,' in a proud, embarrassed way; and Spock enjoyed the enthusiasm and easy way their very souls meshed together, finding himself intrigued by the sensation of laughter bubbling tenderly in his mind. 

The warmth from their mental joining radiated through the contact points, Spock's hand pulling from the meld as he sought Jim's hand and brought it to his own meld points, the human's fingers fumbling to lock on the exact locations, but their elementary brushes sent sparks through Spock that made his hips grind deep on Jim, who in turn grit his teeth to keep from crying out too loudly. Jim's mind, now opened and enticed through the first meld, easily flowed into Spock's and was amazed to find the usually organized and precise center all aglow from their continued love making, like the brain was basking in all the new wonders, and it was all thanks to Jim, love only Jim, give everything to Jim. 

When faced with the answers to all his probing questions, Kirk felt an open sore in him start to ache. To think that this one creature loved him so exponentially, so truly in all senses and meanings of the word, and was willing to give him every piece of his body and soul was implausible. And here Jim was, shaking with lust and trying his damnedest to prove the Half Vulcan's worth. He felt overwhelmed by Spock's encompassing affection, suddenly not knowing how to express his shared sentiments through the bond just yet. It was with a heavy heart filled to the brim with all the things he wanted to say, that Jim untangled himself from the meld and set to showing Spock the measure of his love for him, through the only way he knew how.

His body. 

It took all his strength to wrap his arms under the Vulcan's and around Spock's back, pressing the joining of their hips tightly together, trying to tame Spock's begging, well learned thrusts. 

"Calm down." He inhaled strongly and grinned as their nipples brushed at the tight embrace, making Spock gasp. "Let me love you." Jim gently commanded, looking up at the lust blown eyes and licking his full lips at the sight. The Vulcan slowly ground himself against Kirk, seeking to puncture that growing knot inside him as he rubbed against it, his lips seeking Jim's so he could ask for more, more, anything, please. 

But Jim showed surprising self-control as he coaxed the Vulcan up out of his lap, Spock giving an accidental, long squeeze as he felt Jim pulling out of him at the movement of changing positions, both moaning deeply at the contact. And as Kirk shifted his weight forward, Spock found himself sprawled on the bed, his Captain gloriously above him, hair tousled, sapphire eyes glittering with mirth, lips rouged and swollen in a way that made Spock preen inwardly at his quick skill. 

With his left hand, Jim clasped Spock's fingers with his, bringing them to his lips again, while with one sure thrust of his hips, the tip and shaft of him smoothly sunk into Spock, driving the Vulcan to arch his back up from the bed beautifully, a loud cry of ecstasy echoing like lightening in the room. And that was all Jim needed to start his maddening pace of pulling out slow and then pressing back in, the tilt of Spock's hips making it easy to feel the small bulb that grew with each stroke of Jim's cock against it. He nudged it, felt the head slip past it and pulled back automatically, only enough to find that spot again and pump in head on to strike it with a deep, hard thrust. 

The attention, slow and savory, was maddening for Spock, who could only lay there with his legs shaking as they pulled and crossed over Jim's back, his hands tingling with the raw neural endings igniting as Jim's callused fingers massaged them and brought his tongue out to bathe the webbing with his impossibly hot mouth. The only words Spock's mind could get past his lips were "yes, please more, Jim," and that suited the Captain just fine, until one well practiced thrust combined with Jim bringing one of their clasped hands to Spock's hard member made the half Vulcan jolt at the contact, tears wetting his eyes as he cried out a pained "Ah!". His body seemed confused as it spasmed, then began to melt, his head falling back into soft pillows, his knees pressing hard into Jim's sides, and Jim felt almost bad for dragging out his lover's climax for so long.

"I'll be gentle." He cooed his promise behind Spock's ear with a kiss, feeling heart broke as Spock's head thrashed back and forth, unable to deal with the immense line between the aching pleasure and delicious pain. With a full body roll, Jim kissed Spock's wet, deep flushed cheeks and crested his thumb expertly over the double ridges, swallowing Spock's boneless moan as the Vulcan finally came in long, hot spurts of pleasure, his euphoria clouded and comfortable now that his body finally had an outlet for all his pent up feelings. The thick, honey like fluid stuck to Spock's lightly furred navel and chest and Jim made a show out of licking up every drop as his hips rode the aftershocks of Spock's orgasm, his body loving the strong, needing pull of the tight muscles. Spock's hand leisurely brushed by Jim's psi points in a soft, kiss-like caress, and suddenly Kirk was knocked off his own precipice as Spock's inner pleasures seeped into him and the overload had him jerking quick and deep as he spent the sighs of his own, white milky release inside his partner. 

They rested there, Jim covering Spock from the world with his arms around his First Officer, nose buried in the nape of his neck as he tried to regain consciousness. The bond was thrumming with the white hot electric pulses of Spock’s contentment and Jim half wondered if his brain had shorted out. 

The experience had been mind-blowing, in more ways than one, as he saw the shields in his brain shattered and broken, and when he shifted his weight, he felt the sticky, painted lines that were now smeared between them both. Jim grinned wickedly at the thought that just brushing his mind had made Spock come hard again, a quick second time, the half Vulcan's body responding to Jim's immense pleasure as if that's all Spock needed to cum. He felt pride swell up in his chest, pressing on the other expanding feelings of contentedness, adoration, completeness, and swore this was the best moment in his entire life. 

Spock swallowed hard as he tried to regain his breathing pattern, his own logical thoughts now reeling at the mess he had made and the new, golden bond that was lined with blue jolts of sparks when he stroked it. The Vulcan part of him soothed the embarrassed human half who was trying to gather their wits after coming twice so easily, and acting like a wanton, needy thing; and it was with a regal, self-satisfied smile that the Vulcan fragment intoned that Jim was now his mate and that the only feelings necessary were love, protection, and to cherish and be cherished.

There was no room for any others.

"Hey." Jim's drowsy voice roused Spock from his musings and he turned his head to look at his bond mate full on, the consummation now complete.

Jim had a lovely, violet splotched bruise on his shoulder and when Spock traced a finger over the reddened, toothy mark on his mate’s neck, he was delighted to see Jim shudder in an aftershock of pleasure, a grin spreading on his reddened face.

"You're quite the biter." Jim said in such a way that Spock heard it as a compliment, the blonde being careful as he braced himself on his elbows and began to pull free from Spock. The Vulcan swallowed a startled gasp, his hand knotted in the sheets above his head as if to anchor himself, and to Spock's surprise, and Jim's pleasure, his green flushed cock gave one last, soft burst against the trail of dark hair on his navel. Jim chuckled at the sight and sighed as he came free, leaning his mouth to cover Spock's belly button and lave downwards, cleaning his mate in a careful, loving way.

"You do not have to-" Spock started until Jim licked a stripe up his companion's cock to silence him. Kirk loved the shiver he got for his efforts and when Spock sighed and carded a gentle hand through his blond curls, Jim flashed his eyes up and caught the lovey steam of exhaustion and the deep sated feeling wavering off the Vulcan's skin. The euphoria had him rolling his eyes back as he took one last soft bite on the inside of the tender, flushed thigh before swiping his tongue higher for one final taste. 

Jim didn't play any more with the over sensitized skin, instead he moved back up to kiss at his newly claimed husband tenderly, a hint of possession bleeding through as he grasped at the short dark hairs at the back of his neck, opening Spock's lips a bit more.

They lay there, twisting in sweet release until Spock shied away and pressed his lips to Jim’s temple, tasting the electric current of his thoughts. Jim beamed again, and rolled to his side, finally letting the weakening in his muscles take over as he let the night catch up with him.

They were now fully bond mates. No longer just in name, but in practice as well, and as he stroked at the golden braid in his mind he felt the ripples of love dance off from Spock's side. He couldn't be happier.

But, as he glanced back down at the half-Vulcan, he saw a shadow of something darken his eyes and at once he felt the beginnings of cold regret shimmer through the bond. 

"What's the matter?" Jim asked quickly, nervously as he drew closer, a tight coil of concern making the bond feel like it was shivering with cold. 

"Was it...." the embarrassed pause that Spock took wavered along their bond and Jim had to fight his growing feelings of rejection from turning his stomach. He had been in Spock's mind, he knew the level of trust and devotion that was shared between them, so all he could do was watch as Spock handpicked the words, his voice shaky as the last dregs of his orgasm dripped through his veins. "Was the act ok for you? I know I was not your first so I'm afraid my performance might have been inadequate-" 

But Jim was not having any of that today, not after the night he just experienced in the arms of what he suspected was the single greatest thing the universe would ever give to him. 

"Spock, look at me." Jim kept his voice low and full of the tones of love and devotion he had welling up in him and when the Vulcan didn’t meet is eyes, Jim grasped his face in hands, thumbs softly brushing the emerald flushed cheeks. "This wasn't just some 'act' ok, so don't call it that. You might not realize it but we didn't just have sex.” 

Spock’s upswept eye brow crooked confusedly and the simple gesture was familiar enough to quell the unease in him a bit. “You and I made love and it was fantastic and don't you dare start to feel inadequate because you just gave me the most precious part of yourself and if anyone should be sorry, it's me.” The sentence tapered softly as Jim fought to keep focused on Spock’s quickly understanding gaze. The warmth in them was heatedly boiling Jim now and he pulled away as if he was scalded, his eyes dropping to his lap and his slightly trembling hands. “Because here, I've been with a few dozen people and I've never kissed anyone like I kissed you. I've never felt something as powerful as that, with anyone else, ever."

There was a tremble to his weak muscles as he thought of how dirty his past sexual history had been; the depraved and desperate things he had done and put up with to stop feeling lonely and here Spock was, pure as sugar, feeling like he couldn't please Jim because he hadn't slept around. It was with that thought that Kirk let go of a sigh and realized that maybe with humans, sex was something that you could have with almost anybody and, most of the time, it was practice that lead to better results, greater orgasms. But with Vulcans, or, at least with Spock, it was the simple knowing thrum of happiness in the bond, the tender adoration in Spock's eyes, and the way he wanted Jim more than anything in the world was what had done Kirk in. Jim had felt needed and loved beyond reason.  
That was the greatest turn on in his life and being able to pleasure Spock and show his own feelings in return were what got him off.

"I was aware that humans place quite a lot of pressure on sexual congress..." The shy, steady voice rose from Spock, his body stiffening with self-consciousness. "I was afraid you would not be pleased with me." Kirk's voice caught in his throat at the wistful look in Spock's down cast eyes as he spoke, sounding cold and logical but the edges of his words were threatening tears.

Jim pressed his thumbs into Spock's palms to get his attention, eyes clear and no nonsense as he bore his soul to his bond mate through his gaze.

"Spock, look at me." He softly touched their foreheads together, shivering at the electric current that buzzed between their brief exchanges. "Sleeping with all those people didn't make me feel loved, didn't make me feel wanted the next morning. You could tell me that we could only have sex once every seven years for you to be sated and I would abstain alongside with you. I don't love you because I can have sex with you. I wanted to be intimate with you because I love you.”

Jim’s thoughts brought up memories of Spock's sad expressions when he'd notice a woman tip toeing from the Captain's room in the first rays of the sun, before the Captain was awake. She might be gone but Spock was always there in the break room with Kirk's breakfast already set, a game of chess waiting to take Jim's mind off the abandonment. They were courtship gestures as well as ones to heal a broken heart and, like an idiot, Kirk had only focused on his empty bed and darkened thoughts.

"I should have noticed you and the love we could have had this whole time. I apologize for not seeing it sooner. I can't believe I went my whole life trying to sell myself short of this." He squeezed their hands and dipped his head to kiss Spock's knuckles, his lips dry, though he had the beginnings of tears glistening on his gold lashes. "So it should be me who is sorry, not you. I want to be what you deserve." Kirk finished, afraid to kiss Spock in case the Vulcan suddenly saw how illogical he was for a mate but, in a sudden flurry of quilts and sheets, Spock had him pinned, a pleased and glittery grin on his face as he showed his bond mate his first true smile.

Jim grinned back; swallowing down his insecurities as he felt Spock's nakedness press against him, awake and ready for another round of proving worth and, as Spock laid him out, Jim couldn't help but surrender. Because something told him this is where he belonged. As if he had been and always will be.


End file.
